i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize