I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
