Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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