If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
