I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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