I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
