I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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