I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
