there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
