Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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