My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
