i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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