im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
