Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize