at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
