five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
