Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
