You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
