Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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