come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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