I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
