There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
