See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
