never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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