just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
