some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
