why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
