I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
