Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
