a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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