I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize