Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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