It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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