Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
