maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
