So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
