My room smells like vodka and shame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
