We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize