I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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