I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
