I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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