I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
