He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
