My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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