you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
