We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
