I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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