new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
