I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
smell my finger.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
