guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
