I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
