i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My penis needs a shock collar
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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