I got chris browned last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
