My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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