I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
