Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
