Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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