At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
