So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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