could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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