It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
