He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize