Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
