he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
