no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
