A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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