If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
