Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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