sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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