ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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