You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
