theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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