I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Did I show you my penis last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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