I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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