you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
