i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
