His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
