I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
