Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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