You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
