So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
