I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
