see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
