I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
