official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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