My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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