please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
