your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
