ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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