My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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