i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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