Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
