I wish I could teleport
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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