well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
