i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
